STEPHENVILLE, Texas - Most professional bull riders dream about stringing together 90-point rides and winning gold buckles.

When Caleb Sanderson catches himself daydreaming, it's about getting out alive.

"I feel like every time that I nod my head that I'm going to die," Sanderson said.

"It's not fighting my head about doing bad. It's fighting my head about getting hurt," he continued. "I've pulled up to arenas thinking, 'This is the last time I'm going to ride' and then go out there and win the bull riding. I have to get past that. I'm not going to show up to a bull riding and not get on. That's what I tell myself every time that I go to get on: 'I'm not going to talk myself out of it. I'm going to get on.'"

He's never been seriously injured, but the 23-year-old from Florida said he's been haunted for as long as he can remember.

'I feel like every time that I nod my head that I'm going to die.'

Whether he's in Kansas City, where he won his first Built Ford Tough Series event last year, or a Touring Pro Division event, he's likely to think about being seriously hurt or killed in the arena. Those vivid images have played through his mind since he was an amateur.

The thoughts can creep into his consciousness at a moment's notice, and last anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes. He can be standing behind the chutes or sitting in the locker room, laying in bed or watching television, when his subconscious thoughts take over.

"I have visions of getting wrecked out every time," said Sanderson, "but as soon as I get in that bucking chute, it's all gone and I'm not worried about it.

"You have to have your mind clear when you go to get on."

Caleb Sanderson covered five of six bulls to finish second at the 2011 PBR World Finals.

Sanderson first revealed his mental struggle during last year's World Finals.

When he met with several broadcasters and former riders - Ty Murray, Justin McBride, J.W. Hart, Craig Hummer and Marty Snider - he spoke of fighting his head, despite winning the opening round and going 4-for-4 to start the event.

They assumed he was feeling the pressure of the most intense event in bull riding.

They were wrong.

They were stunned as Sanderson candidly opened up about his fear of dying. No one in the room knew exactly what to say. For Sanderson, dealing with thoughts of death has become commonplace.

"That's just how it is," he said.

"I was like, 'Holy cow. I can't believe this guy participates in this sport,'" recalled McBride. "That was the first thing that came to my mind. I was like, 'I can't believe he does this.'"

Hart added, "This is the wrong sport to think about dying."

Murray, who admits he knows very little about Sanderson outside of the arena, appreciated the honesty.

According to Murray and McBride, every rider faces a fear factor every time they compete.

'I can't believe this guy participates in this sport. That was the first thing that came to my mind. I was like, "I can't believe he does this."'

"Nobody knows how dangerous this sport is more than the guys doing it," said Murray. "(Sanderson is) honest about it, but the fact is, you have to compartmentalize it."

Murray said the stark reality of bull riding is that "a bull can snuff you out accidentally," but the difference between Sanderson and most other riders is they don't face fears of dying on such a regular basis.

McBride said he was 12 years old and had just started riding full-sized bulls when it occurred to him that what makes bull riding the most dangerous sport in the world - bar none - is that he could die participating in it.

"It scared me," McBride said. "I thought, 'You can die doing this. Is this something you want to do?' And I came to the conclusion that, yeah, it was. That was the last time I crossed that bridge.

"That's something, to me, that Caleb seems like he's saying he does on a weekly basis. … That would age me."

McBride said that successfully dealing with the danger is what separates World Champions from other elite riders even on the BFTS.

With the event title in hand, Caleb Sanderson bucks off Priceless in Kansas City, Mo., last year.

The two-time champ said the ability to harness fear is where the adrenaline comes from, and that the best riders in the world are the ones who are capable of channeling that energy for 8 seconds at a time.

"He's 100-percent right," agreed Murray, who won nine world titles to earn the nickname "King of the Cowboys."

Hart rattled off a laundry list of issues most professional riders deal with when fighting their heads. Usually it's women and family, or alcohol or drugs. He said most riders who cannot get past the idea of dying typically don't make it to the professional level, much less the BFTS.

"He has a lot of personal demons to fight and overcome to be a good bull rider," said Hart. "It's strange. People who think like that don't get past amateur status."

Sanderson has twice qualified for the World Finals.

Last year, he rode five of six in Las Vegas and finished second in the average behind Robson Palermo. He won the first round of the event, and rode RMEF Gunpowder & Lead for 92.5 points in the Built Ford Tough Championship Round. He won his first BFTS event in Kansas City, won two TPD events in Fort Worth, Texas, and San Antonio, and finished the year ranked 13th in the world standings.

'People who think like that don't get past amateur status.'

He's currently ranked 17th in the standings and well on his way to qualifying for a third Finals appearance.

In his career he's had six Top 5 finishes, including last year's Finals, and has had at least one 90-point ride or better in each of the four years he's been on BFTS.

He also had a successful amateur career. His bio lists a Florida high school championship and three trips to the nationals, including a second-place finish as a junior in 2007. In 2008, the year he turned pro and a year before making his BFTS debut, he was the Southern States Bull Riding Champion.

But the challenge remains. "I still think you see the times he doesn't quite get it dealt with," said Murray.

One instance came in Kansas City.

Sanderson came into the championship round with the lead in the average, and selected Priceless with the first pick in the draft. His was the last out of the round. By the time he climbed on, no one had passed him, and he had already clinched the win.

He bucked off in 0.8 seconds.

A year later, there's still some confusion as to whether the bull fouled himself coming out of the chute or whether Sanderson held onto the back railing and slid off.

McBride, Murray and Hart think he stepped off. But knowing what they know now, they all have a better understanding of what might have happened that afternoon.

Priceless was marked 42.75 points. Sanderson said, "The only part of Kansas City I remember - I regret it every day - is when Priceless came out of there and I got offered a re-ride and I didn't take it."

There's no indication on either www.pbr.com or www.probullstats.com that a re-ride was offered.

He later added, "I just felt like I quit. I didn't finish what I started.

"That's the only re-ride I've never taken in my whole entire life … if I was hurt, anything. I think I was too excited to take it. I just knew I had won the event. But I regret it every day because I should have (taken it)."

Sanderson has virtually no recollection of specific bulls or his own rides.

At the 2009 World Finals, Calbe Sanderson rode Chicken on a Chain for 90.75 points. He doesn't remember the ride.

Earlier this year, Ty Pozzobon called to ask about Million Dollar Man, the first bull Sanderson got on in New York to start the 2012 season. He couldn't remember whether he was out of the right or left-hand delivery, or which direction he spun. He couldn't even recall what color the bull was, despite having ridden him for 85 points.

Austin Meier phoned this week to ask about Big Stink.

The only reason Sanderson knew of the bull was because Kent Cox hauls him on behalf of Chad Berger and has brought him to Stephenville, Texas, on Wednesday nights for open bull ridings produced by Boyd & Floyd Bull Company. Sanderson works the weekly events as a gate man.

In 2009, just two years after Chicken on a Chain was World Champion Bull, Sanderson rode him for 90.75 points in the fifth round of the World Finals at the Thomas & Mack Center.

"I couldn't tell you to this day what he did," said Sanderson, who also rode Buckey for 91.75 points in the second 15/15 Bucking Battle just two weeks ago. "The only reason I know what Buckey did was because I watched it on TV.

"Whenever I tell you I don't remember anything, I don't remember anything. I don't try to remember it. I just go, get on and come home."

In some ways, Murray was similar.

Remembering what a bull looked like, what delivery he came out of or what direction he spun was just not a part of the game he concerned himself with.

'Whenever I tell you I don't remember anything, I don't remember anything. I don't try to remember it. I just go, get on and come home.'

According to Murray, there are five basic things every bull rider needs to have in order to be successful: feel, timing, balance, being forward on the jump and effort. The rest of it, which he said is the biggest key to success, is the mental aspect of riding.

"It's a huge part of what this game is," he said. "It's not an element. It's the element."

Just last week, Kody Lostroh talked with Murray about how much easier the sport is when a rider is able to stop thinking and simply react.

Murray concurred.

He added that when he was at the top of his game, he actually felt as though he could control the outcome, but it's still a sport in which everything happens quickly.

"You have to make decisions on the fly," Murray said.

"It happens fast and their first instinct is to get the (heck) off," said McBride. "Sometimes they're not trying and all that, but 99 percent of the time I think they're scared."

There is no single way to deal with the fear.

Some never talk about it, while others act like it doesn't exist. Many ask God to watch over them. There are those who laugh in the face of fear, and others who become more focused.

"I just say a quick little prayer and it's gone," Sanderson said.

"When it's your time to go, it's your time to go, and you aren't going to stop it and you aren't going to change it. That's how I've always thought about it in my mind. There's no sense in worrying about it and there's no sense in fretting about it."

Hearing that, McBride said, "That kind of creeps me out."

"I don't know how he manages it," he continued, giving Sanderson credit for nodding his head every week. "However he rationalizes going through with it. Like I said, I just can't imagine thinking about dying all the time. I'd live in a padded room and I wouldn't get on bulls."

WATCH THE KANSAS CITY INVITATIONAL live tonight at 9 p.m. ET at the PBR Live Event Center, then catch the final two rounds Sunday at 6 p.m. ET on CBS Sports Network.